Operation Shrink a Booty...and a Belly...and Tone These Thighs...Maybe

The fact of the matter is I, like many women in America, have body issues. I look at certain areas of my body and just flat out don’t like them. Some people would look at me and think that I am crazy. That I should be happy with my size, weight, and my post baby curves. Sometimes it is difficult to accept those changes with open arms. Bless my dear, sweet, husband…he tells me every day that I am beautiful. He just doesn’t understand how I don’t always share his view.

The problem is I struggle with finding the time to run, practice Pilates, or even make it to the gym to renew my membership.  I know I would feel better if I was doing something instead of coming up with excuses. Excuses, excuses, excuses…I have a whole slew of them. The Little Professor still isn’t sleeping through the night…I already get up at 5:00 am…there is too much cleaning to do after the kids go to bed…I’m too tired…there is a mountain of laundry that must be tackled…I NEED that bowl of ice cream more than I need to run. Logically I know that if I exercised then I wouldn’t be so tired. I also know that the minute I stop breastfeeding all of those bowls of ice cream are going to catch up with me. I love the fact that I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight. Don’t hate me…a girl needs her calcium and primarily in the ice cream form! Nursing a baby for 8 months+ is a lot of work, and at the end of the day I am exhausted! My other excuse is that I can’t lose the weight too fast or it might impact my supply. So why risk it? Yeah…not really a healthy attitude to have.

 I actually started off pretty strong after the Little Professor was born. I was jogging about 4 weeks after his birth and ran my first postpartum 5K at 8 weeks.  I got up early to run and logged a ¼ Marathon, 10K, 15K, and finished off the season with a ½ Marathon at 6 months. I don’t share all of this to brag, but I was pretty proud of myself. My times weren’t as quick as I would have liked, but I was out there and taking care of myself. I was probably on the worst training schedule ever. Just lucky enough to get a run or two during the week followed up by a long run on the weekends. I promise you this is not the way to train for a ½. I’ve all but abandoned my running partner at this point. She still sends me encouragement and invitations to run, but I feel wholly inadequate to get back out there and pound the pavement (I promise I will make it back Ty…don’t give up on me).

So rewind to about 8 weeks when I tried on my beautiful but not flattering bridesmaid dress. I could get the thing zipped up, but it clings in all the wrong places. Without some serious cleavage control my sister’s wedding might end up with a Janet Jacksonesque wardrobe malfunction moment. (Note to all future brides…if you have a pregnant or nursing mom in your wedding party, make sure the dress has a strap. We need the support!) At that moment I vowed to begin the New Year with healthy eating habits, no sugary snacks, practice Pilates during lunch, and to utilize all of the cute, cold weather running gear I had obtained at Christmas.

Now I am exactly 5 days from the blessed event, and I am afraid to even take the dress out of the bag. It is hanging on my closet door so I don’t forget to pack it, but part of me wonders what would happen if it didn’t make the trip. (Megan if you are reading don’t stress...the dress will make it!) I am so scared that I went and spent $48 on a pair of Spanx. Not the full body version, but ones that are pretty darn close. I am pretty confident that the dress will zip on Saturday, but I am packing an emergency sewing kit just in case. I can’t sew…just hoping someone there will be able to when I bust out of the dress.

All of this rambling for a few simple points. I shouldn’t feel this way. None of us should be so uncomfortable in our own skin. A tiny part of me recognizes that I stopped exercising because I was afraid. Even after all of that running, my body didn’t look how I expected it to. What if I worked really hard at losing weight, but I just never looked how I envisioned? In the end, it doesn’t matter if I never fit back into size 4 jeans, I always have little love handles or that my hips will always be a whole lot wider after birthing two babies. It does matter that I feel comfortable in my own skin. That I exercise, feel good, and pass on HEALTHY habits and a positive body image to my daughter. I am going to stop focusing on what my body looks like and instead how it feels. To enjoy exercise for the benefits it provides instead of as a means to an end. I am going to focus on becoming a runner instead of someone who just enjoys running. Then maybe I’ll notice my booty is a little tighter and my belly a little less saggy. If not, who cares…I’ll just have to go shopping!